It may seem a piece of cake, but parenting is one of the most important and challenging jobs you will ever have. And while there’s no way we can summarize such a complex matter that easily, researchers have classified parenting into four major types of parenting styles. Each style impacts your child’s development in different ways.
You might ask yourself, “What parenting style is the best?” or “Am I doing everything right as a parent?” If you’ve ever worried about “messing up” your child’s psychology or want to raise them to be kind, confident, and strong in the real world, this guide is for you.
Let’s dive into the four parenting style types and how they shape your child’s future. But before doing that, you should know the bases of these parenting styles, as it can help you implement the individual practices in the best way possible.
Two fundamental characteristics that can help you understand all parenting philosophies are control and warmth. These two elements form the basis of parenting since they influence how you relate to your child and how you discipline their conduct.
Warmth describes your level of affection, support, emotional reactivity, and caring as a parent. A warm parent listens to their child, demonstrates empathy, provides consolation, and creates a stable emotional connection.
Children benefit greatly from this emotional availability because it makes them feel protected and appreciated, essential for building emotional resilience and confidence. A key element of gentle parenting or authoritative parenting, warmth fosters open communication and trust.
On the other hand, control is about following age-appropriate consequences, establishing clear boundaries, and maintaining consistency with rules rather than being harsh or unduly strict. Healthy control helps children learn self-discipline and responsibility.
By striking a balance between warmth and strict control, authoritative parenting helps create children who are self-reliant, respectful, and equipped to face life’s obstacles.
Let’s look at the four styles and what they mean in real life.
High warmth + High control
This is also known as Gentle Parenting, and we mention it at the start because the research shows it consistently produces the best outcomes. Authoritative parents are nurturing but also firm. They set clear rules for their kids, but are considerate enough to listen to their children’s feelings and thoughts.
These parents may use empathy even while trying to discipline their kids and use natural consequences rather than punishment. They try to instill their kids with mutual respect while teaching them responsibility and building a strong parent-child connection.
Let’s say your child doesn’t do their homework, something very common among kids. Some parents might take it as a challenge and try to discipline their children by yelling at them or using other tactics. However, an authoritative parent might say:
“I know you’re tired, but see, homework is your responsibility. Let’s figure out a plan together so this doesn’t keep happening.”
They stay calm but consistent. They hold their children accountable, empathize with them, and then guide them without prompting fear or shame that might haunt them for life.
High warmth + Low control
Permissive parents are loving, but they do not have any set rules or limitations. Simply put, they don’t like to say “no.” These parents often let their children lead and avoid setting many rules for them. They may struggle with enforcing routines or consequences.
Permissive parents often fear that discipline might damage their relationship with their children. Meanwhile, such children usually struggle with self-control and structure without boundaries later in life.
In such parenting, parents do not present themselves as leaders and instead let the kids run the whole show. This gives kids overconfidence and authority, which impacts them in later life.
Your child doesn’t want to go to bed. An authoritative parent may talk it out and convince their kid to go to sleep somehow, but a permissive parent is too reluctant. So, in such a situation, a permissive parent might say:
“Okay, you can stay up as long as you want, just don’t wake me.”
This seems kind in the moment, but children may struggle with routines, respect, and impulse control without boundaries. Plus, it gives the kids the impression that they can do anything or get away with anything, something that they might struggle with later on.
Low warmth + High control
Authoritarian parents are on the opposite side of the spectrum from permissive parents. They believe in strict rules and obedience and expect their children to follow orders without question. Warmth and communication are missing in such a relationship, as it is entirely or majorly focused on discipline.
These parents often use punishment, threats, or shame to raise and control their children. This style may get results in the short term, but research shows it can lead to anxiety, rebellion, and low self-esteem in the long run.
Let’s say your child talks back, and it is just a genuine opinion from him/her on any matter. An authoritarian parent might respond by saying:
“You don’t talk to me like that! Go to your room and don’t come out until I say so.”
There’s no room for conversation or understanding, just punishment. Such a house lacks warmth and leads children to either have low self-esteem or be extremely rebellious.
Low warmth + Low control
Neglectful parents can be better described as or seen as uninvolved parents. Such parents are emotionally unavailable and in no way or shape do they provide any warmth or control. This may be due to stress, trauma, or harsh experiences they had in the past that simply make it difficult for them to connect.
Children raised in this environment often feel unseen and unsupported, as, unlike the other parenting styles, they face an absence of parents in any way. They’re more likely to develop behavioral problems and struggle with relationships later in life.
Let’s say your child skips school. Some parents might try to get to the root of that and try to resolve it, but a neglectful parent might not notice or care.
“Whatever. I’ve already got a lot to deal with.”
This lack of attention can be deeply damaging, leaving children to figure out life alone. Such kids may develop dependency disorder and may struggle in future relationships. Moreover, they are also more likely to opt for substance abuse.
If you’re still here and reading this, it means you care. That’s already a huge step in the right direction. No parent is perfect, and all of us make mistakes. Unfortunately, we are never taught the proper ways to parent, and most of us just end up being extended versions of our parents.
But this all needs to change now, and with all the studies and research we are way closer to achieving what is best for our kids.
The best thing you can do is aim for authoritative parenting, a beautiful balance of warmth and control. In this way, the kids do not miss out on anything, and all the boxes are checked.
Show love. Set limits. Be present. Apologize when you mess up. Keep learning.
Parenting is not about perfection; it’s about progress and connection. Nobody is born with these qualities; we have to work on ourselves. We need to do our best and hope it will turn out well for our kids.
Numerous studies have confirmed that authoritative parenting, also known as gentle parenting, has better results for kids’ academic, social, and emotional growth. Combining warmth and control with firm boundaries and high standards promotes self-reliance, fortitude, and a strong sense of self.
Children of parents with authority are more likely to be independent, well-liked by others, and achieve academic success. Additionally, they display improved behavioral outcomes and emotional health.
In contrast to authoritarian parenting, which can be unnecessarily strict, or permissive parenting, which may lack discipline, authoritative parenting finds a balance between providing strict direction and being sensitive to the child’s needs.
Parenting in Islam is a responsibility given to parents. It emphasises the upbringing of children in accordance with the teachings of the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). This approach allows you to cultivate strong moral character, deep faith, and social responsibility in individuals.
One of the most important principles in Islamic parenting is the understanding that children are born in a state of fitnah, or natural purity. This understanding allows and encourages parents to create an environment for their children that preserves and promotes this innate goodness.
In Islamic parenting, parents are considered guides and role models, expected to lead by example. This aligns with the recent studies in psychology focusing on how children learn through modeling or recreating their parent’s behaviors. Demonstrating likable traits in daily interactions teaches children these values through observation and imitation.
The Quran promotes gentle and compassionate communication, urging parents to listen actively and speak kindly to their children. This approach creates a sense of trust, allowing children to express themselves without fear.
Instilling a consciousness of Allah (taqwa) is also a central part of Islamic parenting. By encouraging regular prayer (salah) and Quranic recitation, you can help children develop a connection with their faith, guiding their actions and decisions.
It’s also crucial to balance discipline and love. Parents assist children in developing self-discipline and responsibility by establishing clear boundaries and expectations, demonstrating affection and understanding. This well-rounded approach guarantees that punishment is applied fairly and kindly, mirroring the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) own practices.
There’s a reason why assertive or gentle parenting is the best approach. It produces emotionally stable, self-sufficient, and resilient children who are prepared for adulthood. Boundaries and warmth make kids more resilient, not less.
If you’re prepared to go further, consider taking parenting classes or reading more materials supported by science. You may also book an appointment with experts in the field to better perform the responsibility you have been given. The future of your child and your own peace of mind are worth the effort.
Child aggression is most commonly linked to authoritarian parenting, which is defined by rigid rules and a lack of affection. According to studies, this method may cause children to act aggressively directly and indirectly. Furthermore, there is a correlation between increased levels of child aggression and permissive and neglectful parenting methods.
You may consult any psychologist or parenting expert. You may also opt for an online consultation with Sakeena Academy. At Sakeena, we offer private consultations with scholars experienced in psychology, Islam, and Islamic psychology to help you with such complex matters.
Parenting programs are crucial because they give parents practical ways to support their kids’ growth. These programs foster healthy parent-child interactions, increase confidence, and improve parenting abilities. Parents who participate can better assist their kids’ academic, social, and emotional development, creating a more peaceful home atmosphere.
No, autism is not brought on by parenting practices. Genetic factors and specific prenatal circumstances are the main causes of autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Parenting styles do not cause autism, but they can have an impact on a child’s behavior and development.
We are here to guide you toward healing, peace, and understanding through the wisdom of Islam. At Sakeena Academy, we combine Quranic knowledge with compassionate support for Muslims facing mental health challenges.
© 2025 Sakeena Academy. All Rights Reserved.
