Parenting in Islam isn’t just about feeding, clothing, and educating your children. It’s a spiritual journey, a responsibility, and an act of worship. As Muslims, we believe that raising children is an amanah (trust) from Allah.
And how we carry out this duty shapes not only our children’s lives but also our own akhirah (hereafter). This is why understanding the different stages of parenting in Islam is so essential. It helps you understand the psyche of children at various stages of their development.
Every stage of a child’s development demands a different approach. The Prophet Muhammad wisely described the stages of parenting:
“Play with them for the first seven years, teach them for the next seven, and advise them for the final seven.”
In this blog, we’ll walk through each of these stages in detail, reflecting on how the teachings of Islam guide us to be loving, wise, and supportive parents throughout our children’s lives.
The first seven years are all about love. At this stage, parenting in Islam emphasises emotional bonding. Children at this age are like sponges, absorbing everything around them.
They absorb everything around them, even when we think they’re not watching. This is the age when a strong emotional connection is built through love, affection, and play.
Islamic parenting during this phase is all about mercy and compassion. The Prophet was known for kissing and hugging his grandchildren and playing with them. In a society where showing affection wasn’t the norm, he made it clear that love is crucial in child-rearing. He once said,
“He who does not show mercy to others will not be shown mercy.”
This stage isn’t about strict discipline or overwhelming them with knowledge. It’s about being present. Telling them stories from the life of the Prophet, saying “Bismillah” before meals, and helping them say simple duas before sleep are small but impactful steps.
Your child might not understand theology, but they understand your tone, your actions, and your love. So if you’re a parent struggling with tantrums, messy rooms, or fussy eaters, know that parenting in Islam encourages patience and kindness.
Be a safe space for your children. This foundation of emotional security serves as the base for everything that follows in later parts of life.
When your child turns seven, things start to shift. Now begins the teaching phase. The Prophet recommended that children should start learning Salah (prayer) at this age. It’s a signal that this is the time for structured learning.
Parenting in Islam during these years focuses on discipline, but not punishment. Rather, it’s about helping children develop a moral compass. Teach them the basics of right and wrong.
Talk to them about why we pray, why we give zakat, and why we fast during Ramadan. Let the Quran become a part of their lives, not as a burden, but as a source of wisdom and joy.
During this stage, Islamic parenting emphasises the importance of instilling values such as honesty, kindness, and responsibility. Children should be encouraged to ask questions. Islam is a faith of knowledge, after all. And when they ask hard questions, don’t dismiss them. Take them seriously. Be honest if you don’t know, and look for the answers together.
Salah becomes a daily habit in this phase, and it’s not just about ticking off boxes. It’s about teaching them to connect with Allah. If they miss a prayer, talk about it gently. Parenting in Islam doesn’t mean harshness; it means consistency and compassion.
Also, don’t forget the role of play and fun. The Prophet encouraged teaching children swimming, archery, and horse riding. These aren’t just sports; they build confidence, focus, and discipline. This phase is all about balance: between structure and fun, discipline and mercy.
Now comes perhaps the most sensitive phase of parenting in Islam. Teenagers and young adults are navigating complex emotions, peer pressure, identity, and responsibilities. This is when your role evolves from a teacher to a mentor.
At this stage, Islam encourages parents to treat their children almost like friends. Not friends in the casual sense, but as trusted advisors. You are there to listen, guide, and support. If you’ve built trust in the earlier stages, this phase becomes smoother.
Teens might question the religion, societal norms, or even your authority. Instead of answering these questions, we try to silence them, which is wrong. Islam doesn’t fear questions; it welcomes them. Engage in deep conversations. Let them know that questioning doesn’t mean rebellion; it means they care enough to understand.
This is also the phase where many parents feel disconnected. The child who once held your hand might now prefer their friends or phone.
However, parenting in Islam requires patience and ongoing effort. Keep the doors of communication open. Don’t ridicule their struggles. Instead, relate things to Islamic teachings in a way they find relevant.
Talk about career goals, mental health, relationships, and social media with Islamic wisdom. Encourage community involvement, attending Islamic classes, or even volunteering. Remind them of the importance of prayer, but also help them connect with the purpose behind it.
If mistakes happen, and they will, don’t shame them. Guide them. The Prophet corrected mistakes with gentleness. That’s the model of Islamic parenting we need to follow.
Apart from understanding the stages of growth a child goes through, you may also follow additional tips to maximise your role as a parent.
In Islamic parenting, your journey begins even before the baby arrives. Making dua for righteous children is encouraged during marriage and pregnancy.
The Prophet Ibrahim made powerful duas for his offspring, and many parents today continue that tradition. It shows that parenting in Islam is not only about action but intention too.
A lot of people don’t realise that the parenting journey starts during pregnancy. What a mother eats, listens to, and thinks about influences the baby.
Many Muslim parents play the Quran during this time to bring barakah and spiritual calmness. Staying connected to Allah from the very start can help create a spiritually nurturing environment for the child.
Parenting in Islam isn’t the mother’s job alone. Fathers have just as much of a role in shaping the emotional, spiritual, and educational growth of the child. The Quran and Sunnah are filled with examples of fathers who were deeply involved in their children’s upbringing.
At the end of the day, kids copy what they see more than what they’re told. Being a good Muslim yourself, showing kindness, keeping promises, and staying consistent are all part of effective parenting in Islam. It’s not about being perfect, but being sincere.
No parenting strategy is complete without dua. The Quran is filled with beautiful supplications made by prophets for their children. Keep asking Allah to guide your children, to protect their faith, and to make them among the righteous.
Parenting in Islam is about planting seeds with love, nurturing them with knowledge, and watching them grow with Allah’s mercy. It’s not always easy. But it’s always worth it.
So, whether you’re a new parent overwhelmed with diapers or a parent of a teen trying to balance freedom with boundaries, remember: Allah chose you for this role. And with His help, you can raise a generation that walks in faith, compassion, and wisdom.
You can raise your child Islamically by modelling good behaviour, keeping Islamic teachings relevant to daily life, and staying involved in their emotional and spiritual development. Surrounding them with a good environment and being patient is key.
Discipline in Islamic parenting should be done with wisdom and compassion. Teach the reasoning behind rules, use positive reinforcement, and always maintain respect and love. The Prophet ﷺ corrected with kindness, not anger.
Making dua is essential in every stage of parenting in Islam. From pregnancy to adulthood, parents are encouraged to pray for their child’s faith, health, success, and righteousness.
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